FPoT day 30 (the last, I think)

It's the middle of the day and I am at work.  Nanny K is our in-home wrangler for the day as DH is working too.  There's a chance that I'll have another FPoT with my boys before the end of the day, but there's a pretty narrow window for that.  If one pops up, I'll post a little addendum.  For now I think it's safe to say that my FPoT has been reminiscing  about my last 21 months with NB.  I've spent much of the day recalling my pregnancy, playing the "a year ago we were..." game.  Like most moms, I get little pouty over the thought of my baby, probably my last baby,  turning one tomorrow.  I've thought a lot about his last year too.  As I've been in and out of rooms with parents and their children all morning, I've remembered NB as those different baby stages and wondered about him and LO at the stages they've yet to reach.  I think a lot of parents think about their kids at work, but in my profession those thoughts are almost constant.  When I get home I can truly say "you've been on my mind all day."  I hope this brings joy to my little guys.  I know it brings me joy, and it definitely makes me better at my job.

If I can write it without crying (because crying in my office would raise eyebrows at work), here are the things that have flashed in my mind's eye over the last several days.

This time last year, we had waited three days past my due date for NB to come.  I had held my breath while my OB was out of town.  I had not gone to work on my due date.  We had made plans to go after NB if he didn't come out on his own.  Then we made plans to go to the zoo (an hour away).  At 2 am the next morning, NB said he didn't want us to go to the zoo, he'd come out after all.

He was born with six fingers on his left hand and red hair.  We forget about the six fingers now.  There's just a little scar where the extra used to be.  We marvel at the red hair all the time.  We love it.  It's the thing the people comment about everywhere we go.  We hope it doesn't change.

From the moment he was born (with red hair! and six fingers) it was clear he was not his brother.  They share some similarities, but  they are so different in so many ways.  NB seems to feel things to the extremes.  He is either very chill, happy, and laid back, or he is a fired up wild man.    People will say it's his hair, I know.  DH and I comment all the time that we are in for it when this baby hits toddlerhood full speed.  He will be busy, loud, fast, and opinionated.   LO was just the minor leagues we think.

He is a grazer.   He nurses for 5 minutes, then plays peek-a-boo with burp cloths or climb to the window for 5 minutes.  Nurses 5 minutes, then lays back,rolls on his belly and shimmies down my legs to the ottoman.  He plays with a hanger for 5 minutes or looks at books, then wants to nurse again.  We do this for 20 or 30 minutes sometimes.  I know I should stop, but he is my last baby.  Sigh.

I laid him in his crib for nap, and instead of rolling over, he looked up at me.  "Bye," he said.  My heart melted.

His head on my shoulder, sucking his thumb, a few moments we have where he is still and snuggly.  They always make me remember the weeks when we rocked him to sleep or held him for hours for naps.  We just couldn't continue that forever.  He outgrew it anyway, but every time he is sleepy in my arms now I'm tempted to just hold him there and let him sleep.

LO likes to be "carried like a baby" now too.  When I cradle him in my arms, I think about the contrast between my boys' sizes and the way their weight feels in my arms or on my shoulder.  I know it won't be long before NB feels like LO and LO is too big for my arms. Sigh.

When LO was turning one, I wanted to keep him a baby.  I now know the joy of the coming year.  Of new words and first steps.  Of the sweet time where discipline is really only needed to curb curiosity and willful disobedience has not yet started.  I look forward to that with NB.  I don't want to keep him my baby as I did LO.

When I was in school, a lecturer made the comment that every subsequent child is born into a family with a lower IQ than the preceding child.  Collectively (because there are less educated children in the mix) the family is "dumber."  This has developmental implications.  I've always thought that a curious way of putting things, but obviously I've remembered it.  What I didn't think about until this last year is that subsequent children are also born to more savvy parents.  NB hasn't had as much one on one with me.  Fewer books and intentional play time.  He probably won't have the advance speech skills LO did (though he's doing just fine in my book).  He does however play independently way better than LO.  He entertains himself easily at this stage.  Have I mentioned he's more laid back?  I hope the trade off works for him.  I think it will.  I guess it has to.

He is just so happy.  He greeted me last night with a big wave.  He loves to clap, bounce, and dance.  I really hope that he always has that kind of joy in his life.  It is one of the most beautiful things about him to me.  (along with his red hair!)

He is very ticklish.  DH found his tickle spot under his chin early on.  LO has the same spot, so we thought that was neat.  NB also seems to be ticklish on his sides, so he giggles many nights when I take his shirt off.  He's ticklish on his feet too, and, of course, his belly.

I love his playfulness.  One of the earliest things I noticed him doing that showed his personality was teasing LO with LO's own toy.  Now he also plays peek-a-boo with the burp cloths over my shoulder, or his own shirt.  He will high five or pat-a-cake any time I offer.  Lately, he has really loved to give a toy and take it back game.  I'm sure this is a trait we'll need to channel properly over the next couple of years, but it is so fun now.

So those are the highlights of the memories I've replayed in recent days.  It is evening now and I have laid my baby boy to bed for the last time.  Tomorrow I'll wake my little toddler after my big one.  In my heart, though, I know we'll ease into toddlerhood more subtly than that. Tonight when I got home, I was greeted by a LO who ran to the door and NB who crawled as fast as he could after him.  LO knows to wait until I get changed to give kisses, but NB just kept coming such that I was still squatting in the doorway of the garage and kissing him in the doorway.  It was a sweet welcome home.  We don't have any special plans for NB's big day tomorrow.  I am grateful to be just on pager for the day.  I am grateful to just have a "normal" day with my boys...my three and a half year old and my one year old.  I'm looking forward to our next chapter together.