When I think back about the last month with NB, I remember it as the month our easy. happy boy became less easy, less happy, and quit sleeping. I hate to make a post about that, but sleep issues have dominated our lives for the last 4 weeks. I think the hardest part of that has been that I expected something different. Didn't I learn enough from LO to not make that mistake here? Having anything other than ridiculously low expectations at this point is just setting myself up for frustration. I guess it's in my nature though to expect good things from myself and my family. I just need to learn where those expectations are reasonable. Apparently sleep at 3 months was too lofty a goal.
You'd think that returning to work would have been the defining moment in the last month. True it was a big deal last Thursday and Friday, but even it was defined by extreme fatigue. I was so fortunate to have nearly 12 weeks off, that I never expected to have to try to work on three or four hours of sleep. I actually had a patient's grandmother laugh at me because I couldn't get the right words out of my mouth and she knew why! Studies have shown that the degree of sleep deprivation residents experience in training is akin to being intoxicated beyond the legal limits allowed for driving. Around here it's like being "on-call" every night. A fellow mom at LO's school a couple of weeks ago said her toddler was "like living with a drunk bipolar person" after they brought his little brother home. You put the two if those together and, well, we all need rehab and medication!
Ok, enough about this, lest this post becomes entirely about me. NB does get to be awake about 30 to 45 minutes every few hours and during that time it has been so fun to see him develop. He smiles at us easily now, and sometimes throws in a giggle. He is still a noisy sleeper sometimes. He grunts less, but will occasionally cry out or even laugh in his sleep. The laughing is particularly cute as his whole face lights up if you are lucky enough to see it. A girlfriend of mine said she thinks her toddler really started to like and connect with their new baby when the baby was able to smile at his big brother. NB has smiled at LO many times at this point, and LO truly loves that. Two days ago, though, LO was bending over near NB, and NB somehow found the top of LO's head hilarious. He giggled at LO, who giggled in return and bent his head again to get more giggles. It was such a sweet fleeting moment between my two boys that made my morning. Oh, how I look forward to more giggles!
LO is truly his mother's child in that he thrives on verbal recognition. He also likes to show off for NB. This has become a fun tool for me. "LO can you show NB how to pick up your room?" "Look NB how well LO is picking up his room. One day he can teach you to do that!" Any number of things can be accomplished with this approach right now and I'm enjoying it while it lasts. Just yesterday LO showed off to NB about pulling his own shorts up. (I am hoping potty training is on the horizon for us, and maybe getting one step closer to LO dressing himself? He certainly loves to choose his own shorts, and now he puts them on!) Even if I'm not using this to accomplish some task with LO, I see it as a way for them to enjoy each other. Letting LO "overhear" me praising him to NB goes a long way too.
In return, or perhaps completely unrelated, LO spend a lot of time praising NB. He encourages him to roll over form tummy to back which he continues to practice on the rare occasion that he's on the floor where he can. NB also is getting better at controlling his hands and keeping them open. He can get them to his mouth with a fair amount of accuracy, and he loves to practice hitting the kitty and doggy on his bouncy seat. He does not intentionally turn the music on the doggy toy yet, but he manages to do it accidentally most of the time he's in it. I remember when LO first accomplished that. DH and I were in the kitchen and just heard the music. We were so surprised. This time was much the same.
Similarly, NB is showing interest in some of his toys. He does not yet intentionally grasp a rattle, but enjoys it if I help him hold it. He already loves the crinkly pages of his cloth books, and he likes to look at the toy zebra I've suspended over his pack and play.
As eager as I am for NB to sleep through the night, I have to admit that I will miss the early morning snuggles we have had. He often stretches his arms wide and collapses into my chest, snuggling his head on my shoulder and passing out after I nurse him in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning. It feels like he is offering me a hug. Sometimes I fall asleep for a bit holding him on my chest. We don't have the luxury of such quiet moments during the day.
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