Giving her away

If you've read this blog since LO was a baby, you'll know that he has this innate sense of when things are a big deal.  He uses that sense to then do his part in tanking the day.  He has done this since he was an infant too young to understand the meaning of certain days or rituals, and too young to have expectations.  Initially I thought I might have tipped him off either by altering our schedule or being stressed or just changing our routine.  Sometimes I thought I was just reading into things, making a pattern where there wasn't one.  Now that he's five, I think some of it is just his personality.  I think he gets anxious about things being "just so" and it overwhelms him, or he's embarrassed easily by too much attention (though he craves it most of the time).  (I think this is what's going on, because I do the same thing myself.  Sometimes I'm so paralyzed by the inability to do something perfectly that I don't do it at all.)

Anyway, when Aunt Cat sent him a card asking him to do something very important...be her ring bearer.  He said "no."  Not kidding.  I should have waited for him to be in a better mood, but that was the luck of the mail delivery.  I didn't respond to her right away, hoping instead that he'd develop some excitement about the honor.  Of course he was going to do it, but we had to hatch a plan early to let him know it really wasn't a big deal or he'd never do it.  Sigh.  It was complicated when it really didn't need to be.

Fast forward a year, and I'd gradually introduced his outfit one article at a time.  Grey pants, new black suede crocs, an ivory shirt he wouldn't see until the day of, and custom yellow bow-tie and eggplant suspenders.  I had talked casually about his role and that we'd watch videos of what to do if we could.  He'd mentioned wanting to wear a cape, and Aunt Cat not only agreed, she sent him a Batman one for his birthday.  (and a Robin one for NB)  Things were shaping up pretty well.  No one ever really asked him again if he wanted to do it, we just told him he was going to, but it didn't matter how he did it.  NB on the other hand had always been a wild card.  He wasn't officially asked, but it was always Aunt Cat's plan to see how he was doing that day and to let him do it if he seemed interested.

So two days before the wedding I asked friends of ours from the  old neighborhood if they could send video of their guy as ring bearer.  I'd heard he did an exceptional job.  I didn't hear back from them.  Surprisingly it was hard to find a you tube video of a ring bearer playing his role well.  All the videos were of ring bearers fighting or walking at a snails pace or dancing or throwing their pillow.  Finally I just opted to watch bridal entrances and see if any included little guys.  Fortunately several did.  That is how I came to be watching about a dozen bridal entrances with LO and NB 48 hours before Aunt Cat's wedding.  Apparently while I was trying to show LO what is role would be in the wedding, he was busy watching brides.

       "Mom, why is the daddy always walking with the bride?"
       (Knowing I needed to explain this carefully) "Well buddy, it's a sign that the bride is leaving her old family and is ready to start her own.  It's called 'giving her away'" After a few seconds of silence, I added, "You know Papa gave mommy away to Daddy when we got married.  Getting married is when Daddy and I were able to start our own family.  After that we were able to have you and your brother."
      There was still silence.  I looked at him to find his bottom lip quivering.  I realized then that he thought Aunt Cat wasn't going to be his Aunt Cat anymore.
     "Oh buddy, it's ok.  She'll still be your Aunt Cat, she's not going anywhere.  She's just getting married, so R will be her husband!"
    "No mama, he's not just going to be her husband, he's going to be my uncle too, right?"

He seemed to perk up.  I thought it so sweet that I told this story to R and, separately to Cat.  R's response?  "Great, now I'm going to have a black bag shoved over my head by a five year old.  He's going to drag me off so I can't steal his Aunt Cat.  Thanks a lot!"  Cat's response? "Ahhh, that's really sweet.  If you can remember it and blog about it, I'd really like to have it written down.

This one's for you sister.