Initially this post was going to be about my mom. See, I told DH something the other day, and he said "have you told your mom that?" I hadn't, but thought I should. One of the sweetest memories I have of the times when it was just mom and me is this...she'd turn up the radio or put on some vinyl and sing her heart out. This usually was accompanied by some aggressive house cleaning, but that certainly wasn't the fun part! She sang like there was no one else around to hear her, and, maybe, when she sang, there wasn't to her. I thought it was beautiful. I don't even know that she ever knew I noticed. I mostly remember Juice Newton songs, but I'm sure there were others. So I told DH the other day that I want LO to remember that about me. I find myself singing now and hoping he hears me. Hoping he thinks it's beautiful.
Then, two nights ago, my Dad introduced me to Skype. It's amazing how far we've come from vinyl! I can't tell you how many times he broke into song over one topic or another. I told him that he's already made up two songs for LO, and I'm almost 34 yrs old and don't have one! My step-mom said "he's got a song for everything." So this morning, it hit me. That's what we have in common. It's not the same kind of music, not the same reason for singing, and it doesn't even sound the same as it used to, but we've all got a little music in us. We were karaoke-ing before karaoke was cool. I hope that doesn't change. I hope LO gets it too.
I think that you are the perfect mix of your dad and I. You are more both of us than you realize. And I hope you know that your father and I were very much in love for many years. You were very much planned, wanted and loved. The fact that things didn't work out for your dad & I had nothing to do with you. I was very young when I married your dad. I met him at 13. Starting going steady with him at 14. Got engaged to him at 15....and married him at 16. I wasn't even grown yet. If MY parents hadn't been divorced it probably wouldn't have happened when I was so young. But, Grannie was alone and struggling to put food on the table for 4 teenagers. Your dad was willing to take me off her hands and that was one less mouth to feed. We were very happy for a long time, but one day I woke up and thought I was tired of him acting more like a father than a husband. Maybe we were both more than a little selfish. If I had been more mature maybe I could have worked through it. But, one day he told me I couldn't do something I really wanted to do and I said I was going to do it anyway and the next thing I know I was saying, "Do you want a divorce?" and he said, "yes, I think I do" and it was over and there was no going back. I say all of this to say that I don't EVER want you to think that your dad and I didn't love each other because we did...very much....and I am sorry that my stupidity caused you to miss having a solid family life. I wish I could do a redo....but that is not possible. But don't you ever doubt my love for you....okay? Thanks for the beautiful memory of cleaning house to Juice Newton (and many others). I not only knew that you were listening, but, I remember you singing with me! :)
ReplyDeleteI REMEBER SINGING TO JUICE NEWTON TOO!!!!!! You (which by the way, "you" don't have a little abbreviation, so I now dub the Darling Wife-DW, to go along with DH)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, You (DW) were away at school so it was just me and mom. I remember at the house that looked like a barn, the last house, cleaning the dining room and me and mom putting Juice Newton on the record player, blaring music through the whole house!
I may have been a bit younger, but I think it's really cool that I get to remember that same kind of memory. (And technically that I am still old enough to remember having records! But not like you guys. I totally loved my strawberry shortcake records though!) It's very cool that both of us have that memory of mom. It kind of makes her "mom." I actually have Juice Newton's Angel of the Morning and Queen of Hearts on my iPod :D Every time it plays, I think back to one particular afternoon cleaning, the sun shining through the blinds making the room glow and the introduction of "Angel of the Morning" beginning to play. We played that one song over and over and over and over and over.... hehe :p
Umm, yeah. The Strawberry Shortcake vinyl used to be mine! That's awesome that you remember liking it too. : )
ReplyDeleteI was going to say that....about the Strawberry Shortcake records being yours....but she didn't remember that part....so I didn't say anything....but, yeah...they were yours first.:) Aren't hand-me-downs wonderful..there are more memories in there just waiting to be made! :D
ReplyDeleteHopefully I will not have embarked on the low road by saying that I'm going to keep this on the high road, but there ya have it.
ReplyDeleteDW I am really enjoying the blog. I love the way you write in it. You have probably written that way in your diaries along the way. Hopefully just you and that one malevolent roommate got to read those diary entries.
It is a joy for me to read your entries here. I'm so proud of who you are! Maybe one day LO will enjoy reading some of those (possibly edited) diary entries to your and DH's grandchildren. Or maybe you'll save these blog entries for that purpose. In any case I love the way you share your heart with us.
I guess a love of music has always been a part of me. I'm glad it's a part of you. It wish everyone could know the joy of having their spirits lifted and their heartstrings plucked by music. I am looking forward to sharing a few tunes with LO before too much longer. You're getting a well deserved head start on me there; let's face it, nobody is more connected with LO that you are DW.
It is still fun for me and always was when you and I would sing together when we were riding in the car. I guess I haven't subjected DH to much of my singing yet. I wonder whether one day we'll all be able to enjoy singing favorites together...a very pleasant thought!
I still love for the music to be the main event when I play it. There's a place for background music (like during dinner or on elevators or in an office or in a retail store), but background music doesn't usually engage my heart. I guess that's why it's called background music.
Okay see that I'm rambling a bit here; maybe I should change my blog name from DixieBoy to RamblinMan, huh? But then my heart isn't in ramblin'; it is in fact in Dixie so I guess I stick with that moniker.
Now that I have been enlighted that "lol" is currently interpreted as "laugh out loud", guess I'll just close by saying "lot's o' love, kiddo!". Sing a little tune to LO for me. I'm keeping all three of ya'll in my prayers. Sayonara: DixieBoy