Toast

Around our house we say we are "toast" if we are in over our heads or out of luck. Well today I started my new job. It was fine. I spent much of the day in a mental fog, probably from chronic lack of sleep, then every time I turned around I had to tackle some new task or way of doing an old task. I had to look up things I used to know by heart because I hadn't needed them in over a year. I just felt like I was all thumbs today. (How many cliches can I fit in one post?) On top of all of that, I felt like I needed to make a good first impression and had people in the office asking me all day if I liked being there or if I was excited to start. Frankly, I am grateful for the job and think it will be a good place to be, but, no, I wasn't excited to be there. I had been dreading today for weeks and when I had a second to collect my own thoughts, they were of home and LO and how much I wanted to be there. Unfortunately I don't fake enthusiasm well, so I hope that the office people are not offended that I was missing my little guy. In any case, I raced home feeling glad that my day was over and ready to have a snack, see my guys and unwind. Instead I walked in the door to a sink of dirty dishes, the need to fix dinner and DH eager to have me rehash my first day. Then I had about five e-mails from a colleague who is needing to settle a nights and weekend schedule that goes along with my new job. The e-mails were telling me I needed to find a different weekend to work and, oh by the way, "you have to work two more nights than you thought." I stood in the kitchen with my head spinning trying to figure out how to tackle it all. Needless to say none of it sounded like "unwinding." I commented to DH during LO's bath..."I think I'm toast. I feel like I've been gone from LO all day and I have to do it again tomorrow. I have a headache and feel like I was hit with a million things AFTER work which is what I thought was going to be the tough part of my day." To those parents who think this sounds like just another workday/evening at home (and I think that's most of you), I raise my virtual glass. I don't know why my previous job never felt like this, but I'm hoping that most days at my new one will not. On the upside, my time with LO tonight felt more precious than it has in a long time. Perhaps absence does make the heart grow fonder!