Play lessons

Earlier this week LO played in ways I've never noticed before.  "Either you're training them (the boys) or they're training you" my dad often says.  I know this to be true, but generally feel he chooses times when he feels I'm the trainee to bring it up.  I don't like being the trainee, and he knows it.

Saturday night I was trying to finish up laundry before moving on to dinner prep.  LO was vocal about wanting food.  "I can make dinner" he offered.  "Really? What are we having?" I asked.  "I can make oranges" he offered.  "So we're just going to have oranges for dinner?  You're ok with that?" "Well, I can make tomatoes too" he replied, taking stock of that was within his reach on the counter.  "Go for it buddy."  So off he went.  I spied him getting out three small bowls, filling each with cherry tomatoes, and sitting them at our places on the breakfast bar.  About this time NB had a time out for some infraction and I moved to the kitchen to work on dinner. "Can I eat them mama?"  "Sure buddy, you worked hard to get them ready, go ahead."  "Is this all I'm having?"  "No buddy, I'll still make you dinner."  "Can NB have some?"  "Well, not really, he can't eat them whole and I don't have time to cut them right now."  "I can do it with my (plastic, kid-safe) knife!" he countered.  "Ok, give it a try" I allowed, thinking it was going to be a big bust, but keep him busy for a few.  Down he popped,  grabbed a cutting board and his knife, and set to work.  I got NB out of time out and came back to find several halved tomatoes.  There began about 15 minutes of LO cutting and feeding to NB who happily ate the goods as they were given.   LO had such joy in preparing and serving the food.  It was so fun to watch their interaction, and I'm so glad I let LO try his new skills.

On Sunday, DH was at work and it was supper time.  I thought the boys' friends were not going to come play, so I set up an outdoor water station that they've never seen before.  It was quite simple, just the old baby bath, some cups, a strainer, a couple of cars, and a basin.  I'd hoped they would practice pouring or have imaginative play washing or splashing the cars. As is usually the case, they approached the set up in a completely different way, and I've learned to enjoy that about our play set-ups.  It was a warm day, so I was fine with them getting soaked and figured it would entertain them for about and hour so I could get dinner warmed up and then join them.  Suddenly our neighbors showed up to invite us to another house, but we had just started the water play, so they decided to say.  (There's not much more enticing than water play for these kiddos on a warm day.)  Then another neighborhood child joined us, and before I knew it, my little two kiddo set-up was being stretched to entertain five!

Let's stop here for a little honest side note.  I'd love to be one of those houses where kids want to play.  I'd prefer to host play groups than go to them.  That was never my house growing up.  When I think of the popular houses for play, they have a few things in common: 1) laid back, rule bending parents. (not me) 2) fun/junk food readily available (not me again) and 3) cool toys or play spaces (maybe me).  So who am I kidding?  That's probably not going to be my house in the long run.  I figure I can give the "fun toys/good location" category a shot though.

So five kids playing with my water set-up was cool by me.  It did, however, throw a little kink in my plans to warm up dinner, but we were having left overs anyway, so it wasn't a big deal.  I didn't feel like I could leave all five out in the driveway unattended with water, mostly because they had never played together as a group of five.  I wasn't sure how those dynamics would work out. I thought a referee might be needed.

There's always one kid in every group whose play puts a damper on things.  In this case it was one of our neighbor's kids who thought the best way to play with the water was to dump it onto the driveway.  I tried eight ways to Sunday to get him to stop without being a total killjoy.  I even asked LO "what do you think about B dumping out all the water? Well if you don't like it, you should ask him to stop."  B was just intent on dumping all the water.  He was convinced that the four ice cubes we had out would melt enough to replace the five gallons of water he was dumping.  Even B's dad asked him to stop, but B kept right on dumping.  ("Either you're training them or they're training you" I heard my dad say in my head.) So I let B know that when the water was gone, I wasn't filling it up again and they would have to find a different way to play.  That solved my only issue with the water dumping.  I wasn't going to service the water station ad infinitum.  I figured the other kids' issue of no longer having water with which to play was up to them to handle, or not.  They could either train their friend, or their friend could train them.  It turned out that B's big sister asked me for more water. She was late to the party and the water was almost out.  I caught her up to speed and let her take it up with her brother, and that was that.  Interestingly, none of the other children (all boys) even cared when the water ran out, they moved on to playing a different way without skipping a beat.    So consider me trained, but it was a lot less stressful than trying to correct a child that wasn't my own.

Fast forward 24 hours.  DH was at work, and it was dinner time again.  LO wanted to play with the water again.  I just couldn't take a break to set it up and I told him so.  "I can do it myself" he said. Given how beautifully LO had surprised me with that mindset with the tomatoes, I decided to roll with it.  "How would you get the water?" I asked.  "From the sink."  (LO can't reach the sink.) "Ok buddy, if you can set it up, you can play with it; if you make a mess, you have to clean it up."  With those words, LO was on a mission.  For the 30 minutes that followed he methodically tried various vessels and water sources.  The sink was quickly abandoned in favor of the water dispenser in the fridge.  Two small ramekins were procured (as I silently accepted that they might be lost forever if things went badly), but also quickly abandoned in favor of cups, and finally the basin.  There were at least twenty trips from the kitchen, through the garage, and to the tub in the driveway.  Along the way  he delegated tasks to NB, such as opening the garage door for him and carrying empty cups, all the while educating him that he had to walk carefully or the water would spill, or about the heft of the larger water volumes.  I worked silently on dinner and admired the problem solving skills and leadership of my big boy.  Skills I've never seen displayed in play before, maybe because I never gave him the chance (gulp!) or maybe because he's just getting that big (double gulp!).  At some point LO commented to me that the water set up took a long time and was hard work. "I know buddy, that's why mommy couldn't do it while she's making dinner."  I got some satisfaction that that point was probably better made than if I had just said it without the experience.  Ultimately the water play was completely set up by LO and he and NB enjoyed it briefly before getting completely soaked and coming inside to eat.  I'd like to say I was the teacher in this instance, but if I'm honest with myself, we both learned a lot.   I'd say that's the best kind of play.