Never Be One Again

Two years ago today, you were expected and did not come. That is how we have one more day of you being "one" buddy. Last year I counted down the days to your first birthday with posts galore. With wishes to keep you little forever. With a little sadness that you would soon (or not so soon, as it turned out) learn to walk and discover independence. Today, I recall this past year has been even more wonderful (is that possible?) than our first. By the time you learned to walk, we were so ready to see it that there was only celebration of a milestone well-earned and long overdue. From there you learned to run, climb, and march. One day soon you'll figure out how to get both feet off the ground and really jump! I feel silly now for having wanted to keep you so little last year, but wonder...can I somehow freeze our little family in time right now? Just scoop us up and save us for a rainy day or a harder time? For several years now, when we have gone to our favorite beach spot, I have taken a moment on our last day to just stand in the water, close my eyes, and try to capture the peacefulness, the joy, the togetherness of our time there. I tell myself "remember this when you need it most at home." That is what I want to do with you, your dad and me right now. I no longer want to "keep you little" because watching you grow is such a joy. I just want to remember everything about you and about the three of us, and I know that I will not. So today I will write to try and capture the highs and, dare I say, lows of our year and then we will bid "one" goodbye.

Favorite posts of the year:
making messes

before and after

the rest of the story

a few things I love about you

weekend update

boo boo badness

wordless wednesday-watch me!

first sentence

kisses

duet

beach fun

wordless Wednesday


I think those pretty well review your year up until recently. There are two posts that I have had in mind and haven't written yet. They will be titled "Seeing red?" and "Caillou." Otherwise, here's a snapshot of you now.

Your schedule hasn't changed much recently, you wake up around 6:30 or 7am, and play in your crib until about 7:30. One of my favorite parts of our morning is sneaking up the stairs to listen to you talking and trying to quietly open the door to peek at you before you hop up to greet me. I usually let you have the first word in the morning, which is sometimes a chipper "Good morning to you!" (the song I sing to you every morning), sometimes a "Daddy at work" or "Daddy come in," and sometimes just a "Pooh-Lala" request to retrieve the friends you've pitched on the floor. You like to hang out in your crib a little longer, and I generally indulge you in this while I eat my breakfast. Lately you've taken to making a breakfast appetizer for yourself out of the fruit on my cereal. Eventually we get around to getting your real breakfast about 7:50, then you play a little while I either get your stuff together for school or the gym. School ("shoo-uhl") days are Monday and Friday and you have really gotten comfortable there. Tuesdays and Wednesdays we head to the gym or ride in the BOB, then head to the playground. We head home for lunch at 11:30, then free play until nap from 1:00 to 3:30. We finish out our day with snack about 4, more play, music or art time, then dinner, bath and bed from 5:45-6:45.

Here are the things we'll miss most about you this year:

1) "speaking Japanese"- you didn't really have much baby talk before you started school. Your verbal skills were great; then you picked up a new "language" from your new friends. As much as I know we shouldn't encourage it, it's hard not to enjoy this lingering bit of baby-ness. Your dad especially enjoys it.

2) your head on our shoulders- many mornings you give whomever gets you out of your crib a "hug" by which you really just collapse into our chest and rest your little head on our shoulder. Unlike a typical hug, you don't really try to hold onto us, nor do you pull away, you just melt into us and stay there, sometimes for minutes. I find myself mentally wrestling with the fatigue in my arms from your 28 1/2 lbs, but not wanting to end this little piece of heaven.

3) being just the three of us- don't get me wrong, we are really excited to see you as a big brother and to meet the newbie, but we've gotten good at being the three of us. I know I'll have room for newbie in our day and in my heart, but it's a little sad the the two of you will have to share us. Newbie will never have just us the way you have and you won't have us that way anymore either. We just trust that this time next year our lives will be so much richer for having made that leap.

4) your willingness to please- for much of the last year, you have wanted to please and obey us. We really hope that will return on the other side of the defiance that comes in the next couple of years.

5) waving at the window- the best part of saying "goodbye" is seeing your little face in the dining room window as you watch me pull out of the driveway. I stop in front of the house and we blow kisses and wave. Maybe this will continue in the next year, but in case it slowly fades into a new departure routine, I don't want to forget it.

Here are things I hope we get more of:

1) kisses- I think maybe this is just our thing, but you really love butterfly kisses. You choose which eye you want me to use and I softly flutter those lashes against your cheek. Sometimes you are game for fluttering our lashes together.

2) running hugs and hellos- these were always one of my favorite things about being a big sister. There are few feeling better than seeing you get a running start and being bowled over at the door with a "mommahhhhh"/"daddeeee" and a big hug or kiss.

3) singing- you have just started to sing more and you do it most when you don't think we're listening. Last week I heard you sing a "all day long" which is not from a song we sing. Do you get lyrics from your dad or did you learn that one at school? (It sounded like "all through the town" from "wheels on the bus") You also have picked up the words from "Lonely Goatherd."

4) big brother-ness- you don't understand yet that newbie is on the way, but I can already tell that you are going to be a great big brother. You have been around two little girls on several occasions and you are so sweet with each of them, then talk constantly about "baby Kristin" and "baby Lydia" after you have left them.

5) your sweet personality- at the end of your one-year post last year, I wrote a little about what your personality seemed to be. I couldn't tell much, but what I did write was dead on. You are still cautious and take a while to warm up. You are so interested in the idea of new things (like petting the dogs you see all the time), but just can't quite cross the line to try them for a looooooong time. (You did get a thrill last week when you let the kitty's tail touch you) You are also so very gentle, kind-hearted, and sweet. The more I watch your personality develop, the more it is clear that you've gotten so much of it from your dad. It is so beautiful to see.

and lastly some things we will/would be happy to see move on:

1) diapers!!!!- we're a long way from this, but hopefully we'll have you in underoos by this time next year.

2) tantrums/fits- would be nice to see these pass, but I have a feeling they'll be around for a while longer

3) your crib- I have mixed feelings here. You have always been a great night time sleeper, but that might be a different story once you can hop out of bed. I hope we'll keep you in your crib for at least another six months, but in any case, you'll be in a big boy bed by your next birthday. It will be sweet to be able to cuddle up there together and read you to sleep. Will you let me do that?

Some superlatives from your second year with us:

1)favorite toys- dump truck and chubbies cars

2) favorite song with a beat- "Lonely Goatherd" from Sound of Music

3) favorite play activity- playground (picking up mulch)

4) favorite color-blue? orange?

5) favorite food- anything that's put in front of you (avocado, sweet potato, muffins, bananas, strawberries probably top the list)

6) favorite books- "Doobie" book (family picture book), ("pow-pow") "Lonely Firefly", "Little Boy"

When I was a kid, I thought the Alabama song "Never Be One" had such a sweet sadness, and that was well before I even dreamt of having you. As I started this post, I couldn't help but think of that song again. The lyrics are about a little girl, but I'd change them for you:

Drift off and dream in your (big digger) world
Play with the presents from the boys and the girls
Your big day is over, the cake is all gone
We sang you to sleep with the birthday song

No, you'll never be one again
The two's are tumblin' on in
(Mama's) little (boy) is growin' up in the world
You'll never be one again

The toy (dump truck) is (still) in the hall
As (Lovie and Pooh) sit watching it all
And soon your legs will grow and make the tricycle go
And take you away from us all

No, you'll never be one again
The two's are tumblin' on in
(Mama's) little (boy) is growin' up in the world
You'll never be one again
Goodnight baby, goodnight (mama)

[Adapted from: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/alabama-lyrics/never-be-one-lyrics.html]

Good night buddy.